Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i came on her dog
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
