My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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