there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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