some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
