i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
