He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
