My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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