fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
