The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize