FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
