lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
