Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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