Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
