You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
