Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
