he puts the penis in happiness.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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