no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Screwed.edu
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
