8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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