I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
