Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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