I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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