Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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