i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
