areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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