im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
