I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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