if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
