found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
