I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
