history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
