mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
