How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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