It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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