im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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