Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
