oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
