so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this hospital has no fireball
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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