theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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