Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
