i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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