What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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