i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
