Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
