Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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