So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
