yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
