Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
