it wasn't lemon gatorade
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
