our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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