I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
