Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
