Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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