Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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