Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
