she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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