the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
