She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
