Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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