What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
