apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
