This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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