OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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