The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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